Dogs Don't Need Phones

Last week I wrote about "The 3 Stages of I-Can't-Believe-You-Did-That". Jake did not have a good week last week and I got to go through those stages more often than I care to admit.

Jake loves to chew things. We all know that. You've read the stories or heard about them. I made the mistake of leaving my cell phone on my bed. I know I can't leave things on the bed anymore because Jake can jump up there now. But I forgot. A little later I walked into the living room and there's my phone, open, on the floor with the back panel off. I entered stage 1 at that point and I freely admit, the concern I felt was not for the dog, but for my phone. I like having a cell phone but this has not been my favorite model. It flips open but has smooth sides and it doesn't have that nice little notch to slide my thumb into to flip it open. So, how does a dog without opposable thumbs manage to open my phone? The same goes with the back panel. The 2 times I tried to open it, I had to really work at it. Why was it now lying 2 feet away from my open phone? I tried the phone, and it didn't work. At this point I had skipped stage 2 completely and went right to a very strong stage 3. There was nothing amusing about it and I was highly annoyed now. My once cute little phone had huge holes in it. Jeff wasn't happy either and mumbled something to Jake about how he's lucky we're not getting rid of him so I thought I better get the dog out of the house for a bit. We went on a long, long walk. I think we all calmed down a bit. The good news is that here it is a week later and as I was leaving to take it into the Sprint store to see if it could be fixed, I tried it one more time and....it worked! It's a miracle! I was happy and the dog was off the hook. It still has some huge puncture holes in it but it works. But I still don't find it very amusing.

Jake got himself into some other predicaments later in the week that I could write about but as I sit here typing, he's running back and forth by the pool as Jeff swims laps. Sometimes he just follows Jeff on the side of the pool, sometimes he takes his tennis ball and drops it in the pool for Jeff to pick up and throw across the yard. He gets the ball, runs back and drops it in the pool again. Aww, he's so cute! Really, he's not such a bad dog. I think we'll keep him.

Banisters and Bones

When I was a kid, I remember going to some kind of electronics store, like a Radio Shack, and wandering around while my parents were looking for a new radio or something. Part of this little store had an area that was a couple of steps up and was divided from the rest of the store by a little wrought iron banister (early 70's decor). For some reason, my little 8 year old mind thought it would be a neat idea to stick my head through the bars of this railing. My head went right between the bars but coming back out wasn't so easy. I tried to pull my head out before my parents, or worse, my brother looked over and saw my predicament. Panic set in and I started crying. My family, the sales guy, other shoppers, all came over to see what a stupid, stupid thing I had done. Then I remember my mom looking at me and going through
The 3 Stages of "I-Can't-Believe-You-Did-That!"

Stage 1 is Concern....my daughter's head is stuck, she's crying, is she hurt? Then when she saw I wasn't really hurt, she quickly (maybe a little too quickly) entered....
Stage 2: Amusement. I can't believe she did something so stupid. Why, oh why, don't I have a camera with me so I can taunt her with this for the rest of her life. She's got her head stuck in a banister, for Pete's sake! Wait till the neighbors hear about this!
Then comes Stage 3: Annoyance. The timing and severity of stage 3 is directly proportional to either a) the amount of time is being wasted on such nonsense or b) the amount of money that is being wasted on such nonsense.
Happy to say, between my dad and the sales guy, I was able to get my head out and, other than giving my brother a lifetime of "big head" jokes, I wasn't harmed.

Which brings me to my latest Jake story. Since it's summer, Jake gets his morning walk whenever Jeff or I get up, wake up a bit, maybe have some breakfast, etc. Yesterday as I was reading the paper and taking my time, Jake had a sad sack look on his face that I thought meant he wanted to go for a walk. I asked him if he wanted to go but he just looked at me and drooled a bit. Ok, he's not really a drooler so that was a little weird. Jake has some bones that he chews on. I had read it was a really good idea to get the round beef bones that have been cooked and still have the marrow in them for dogs to chew. They chew out the marrow, leaving a hallow center and you can put peanut butter in the middle for a nice little treat. So all around the house, we have these round donut shaped bones that he likes to chew on. Somehow, he managed to get a bone over his bottom jaw. I can only describe it as slipping a small ring onto a fat finger. It was pushed back over his back teeth and his tongue was stuck underneath it. How? I have no idea.

Jeff and I saw his problem and I tried to pull it off, thinking it would come off right away. Anytime I touched the bone, Jake went nuts. At one point, he ran up the stairs, behind the recliner and was trying to climb the wall....literally. Jeff and I tried to pin him down and pull it off but he yelped and scratched and the bone wouldn't budge. At this point, I was in Stage 1. I was so worried about my little pup. I called our Wonderful Vet and they said to bring him right in.

By the time I got to the vet's office, I was in Stage 2. As we walked into his office, the absurdity of our situation hit me. I was walking into the waiting room with a dog that had a bone stuck over his lower jaw. Why didn't I take a picture of him before we left the house?! Knowing I was around animal lovers in the office and waiting room I tried to look like I was concerned (stage 1) but I just couldn't help it and started laughing when I got to the desk. One lady in the waiting room took a look at him and said, "I think he better go in next". Yup, he was that pitiful looking. Jake's Wonderful Vet had me bring him right in and put him on the exam table. He had me hold his head while he injected him and then said, "Hold him, he'll start falling over". About 5 seconds later, Jake just kind of fell sideways and was out. Again, I thought this was all very funny. Wonderful Vet took what looked like bolt cutters and wedged it between the bone and his jaw and snapped the bone right off. Poor Jake had a cut up tongue and lips but was really no worse for the wear. Wonderful Vet said this wasn't the first time he had seen this, which in an odd way, made me feel better.

Stage 3 hit me when I realized Jake was going to have to stay in the office and sleep off the anesthesia and I would have to go back later in the afternoon to pick him up. Not exactly how I planned to spend a Monday but that was ok. I just wanted him to be ok so stage 3 didn't last too long.

I got Jake home in the afternoon and he slept most of the day. Today he's fine and playful like usual. And all the bones are in the trash.

My Dog the Graduate

Well, he did it! Jake graduated from Doggie Kindergarten. I'm so proud. I keep saying Jake isn't the brightest dog out there and he's alot of trouble sometimes and his looks have saved him more than once and.....where was I going with this? Oh yeah. I'm proud of him.

When he first started the class, I thought we would end up dropping it out of shear embarrassment. Either that or the DT would throw us out out of shear frustration. But between the genius of DT and the perseverance of the handler (me) we made it. Jake now knows who the alpha is in this house. Ok, it's still him. But now he throws us a bone (pun intended) and follows a command every so often. My favorite one is "front". I can say that word, and Jake comes to me from where ever he is in the house. That command alone was worth the money for the class. The funny thing is that he's supposed to come right to me and sit. Sometimes I think he's doing his own "I'll show you who's boss" and he'll head toward me and then sit...about 10 feet from me. Then we have a stare off. The worst thing I can do is walk to him and give him his treat. So I just stand there and stare. He sits and stares. Eventually, he'll sigh, get up slowly and walk the rest of the way. The turkey jerky treat is just too tempting for him to pass up just to make his point.

He's pretty good at the other commands too. He's great at fetching, sitting, and down. He needs some more work on heeling but that's because I need some work on it. He can do a sit/stay as long as his attention span will let him. I don't think they make Ritalin for dogs but I think it would help him with his stays.

Another valuable thing we learned in class was getting him to drop whatever it is he's chewing on at the moment. He used to get something and run around the living room while one of us chased him. Then we would have to call for backup and two of us would trap him and pry the item out of his mouth. He still gets things he's not supposed to but now he'll take a couple of steps, we say "leave it" and he drops it. I know we've taken a huge chunk of pleasure from his puppyhood by doing this but I'm pretty sure it's lowered my blood pressure by at least 10 points.

So at the end of the last class, DT handed us our diplomas. It had both of our names on it. I was very excited and was considering having it framed. Maybe even place it over the mantle. I left the diploma in the van (I leave everything in the van) and Abigail and I went to Walmart the next day. As we opened our doors, a gust of wind came along and blew the diploma off the dashboard and out the door. It flew across the Walmart parking lot. I walked around in the Texas heat for 20 minutes trying to find it. I went back into the store to see if some kind dog lover who understood the blood, sweat and tears that goes into training a dog may have turned it in. No such luck. I just hope it's not an omen.

Jake's summer haircut

Jake got his summer haircut. He went from shaggy to smooth. The groomer left his tail alone though and now it looks like he has a feather duster for a tail. But he still looks cute. I think I like the shaggy look better but I know he's much cooler now.

Dogs and GPAs

Ok, I'll admit, I'm not the smartest person in the world. I'm no rocket scientist, which is tough since I live in the Johnson Space Center vicinity and many neighbors and friends ARE rocket scientists. I mean, I did as well as I wanted to in high school. I hated high school and dreamed of nothing more than the day I would graduate. I did what was expected to maintain a solid B average, nothing more, nothing less, except in classes I really loved and then I put all my effort in it and would easily pull out an A. (Don't tell Abigail any of this, I expect more from her) In college, I graduated with a good GPA. I don't remember what it was but it must have been pretty decent because I was awarded a silver tray sponsored by some unpronounceable company for having the highest GPA (the coveted silver nacho tray....which is now wrapped in newspaper, tarnishing, in my closet) Granted, it was in Radiography, I wasn't getting a Masters in Business or anything but to get that tray I had to pass classes in physics and radiobiology and such. So I'm not a complete numbskull. (I know my physics professor is out there somewhere, so I won't say anymore)

But there are certain situations and certain people that make me feel like a complete moron. It's not their fault, they're just very intimidating to me. I won't name names, and I love them to death, but I'll say something and get a look (usually accompanied by a smirk) that makes me feel like a very stupid person. Which leads me to last week's doggie school class with Jake.

Jake's dog trainer (DT) is a great guy. Very smart and extremely patient. He has this really great voice, like a radio psychologist. Jake and I have learned alot from DT but whenever he asks me a question, or I ask a question, I feel like a dope. Example.....we were doing our automatic sits last week. We're walking around the yard, we slow down and stop and the dog is supposed to sit automatically when we stop. DT is watching us as we go around the yard. One time Jake actually sat when I stopped. I was so proud! DT asked, "Did he sit on his own or did you say 'Sit'?" I looked up and honestly couldn't remember if I told him to sit so I just said, "I don't know. Did I say 'sit'?" Ok, the man is halfway across the yard from me and I'm asking him if I told my dog to sit. He said something like, "well, he's doing great." I'm sure he was really thinking "Idiot can't remember if she just spoke to her dog." Then I had a question about practicing the automatic sits in the afternoon. Jake really hates walking in the afternoon since it's so hot and he will not sit on hot sidewalks. Can't say that I blame him. I asked DT if it's ok to have him sit whenever we come to a shaded area or will that train him to sit everytime he sees shade. Ok, I know, quit laughing. That really was a stupid question. But DT stared at me and said, "I don't think he'll do that. I don't think he's that...." and he paused. I said, "smart?" He said, "No, I don't think he would be that observant." Oh. After that I thought I would just not talk anymore in class.

This is our last week for doggie school and Jake will graduate so I'll keep my mouth shut. I don't want to embarrass my dog. But I'll be really proud if he gets a silver nacho tray.

Too smart?

Jake had his 5th week of doggie school and he did brilliantly. Well, mostly. DT used him as an example of an automatic sit and Jake learned it very quickly. Of course, I've been working with him at home and somehow, he's forgotten how to do it. I'm not sure why he does this, but then I saw this quote and thought maybe it summed it up.

"You may have a dog that won't sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because she's too stupid to learn how but because she's too smart to bother." - Rick Horowitz, Chicago Tribune

Week 4 of Doggie School

Well, we've now had 4 weeks of doggie school. I guess it's time for an update. I would love to say Jake is brilliant and the dog trainer (DT) has never seen such a talented dog. Yup, I would love to say that.

Actually, as I wrote before, the first week was fun. Jake did better than even I expected and I had high hopes. I still have high hopes. The second week, we worked on some more basic commands and I realized this was going to take some work. On the first day of class DT said we would get out of this what we put into it and it was during this week that I realized what he meant by that. But the third week, unfortunately was a wash. Totally my own fault. We had Jeff's parents in town for part of the time and didn't work with Jake much at all. It really showed when we took him to class that week. We had to do things that we supposedly learned the previous week and supposedly had been working on all week. When Jake didn't respond much to any of my commands, I was busted. DT even asked if I had practiced the lessons the week before. I fudged just a bit and said yes. I really had worked with him...a couple of times. Anyway, doing the sit/stays was nerve wracking. Jake does not like doing that. At all. I was telling him "sit" and he just looked at the cute little sheep dog and decided it would be much more fun to go over to her. I'm supposed to correct him immediately and make him sit but by the time I got back to him, his 2 second memory span had probably forgotten why I was pushing down on his butt to make him sit. Of course, by this time all the other dogs have done their sit and stay and their masters are already praising them and giving treats. Ok, we always do these things 3 times so I have 2 more tries. Here we go again, I say "sit" and silently pray that Jake is paying attention to me. I took one step away and he's up again. I sigh, go back to him and start pushing down on his butt again. Jake looks totally befuddled. I imagine him thinking "what's the deal?" This time, while I'm pushing down on his butt, he is pushing back against me. He is not wanting to sit at all but I finally get him sitting again. By this time, again, all the others are back to their dogs, giving treats. Show offs. DT comes over to me and tells me to take a deep breath. Is it that obvious? I was starting to wonder if there are remedial classes available. Ok, here's our last chance. C'mon Jake, we can do it. I say "SIT" and he sat down. Ok, so far so good. I say "STAY" and he stayed and looked at me. I walked away, just waiting for him to go to the sheepdog (or the german shepherd, or the great dane...) but he just sat there. Wow! I walked back to him, gave the release command and gave him a treat. DT came over and said, "You know why he stayed that time?" I said, "Because he was tired?" Why else would he not run after the other dog? "No, because the tone of your voice let him know you meant it." Great. I was so aggravated and tired of wearing the figurative dunce cap that I wasn't paying attention to how my voice sounded. Was I loud, stern, mean sounding? Did I use my Mom voice or my preschool teacher We-don't-hit-our-friends voice? Argh. Note to self: pay attention to your voice.

After sit/stays I was exhausted but it was on to "retrieving", or "fetching" if you were born before 1980. I was thinking "Ok, we have this one locked up." We didn't need to practice this one because we play this everyday in the backyard. I even brought Jake's favorite ball. Now my dog was going to shine. Jake and I waited patiently while the amateurs took their turns and then we were up. I showed Jake the ball and did a light toss about 8 feet away from him. I didn't want to show off too much. Why make the others feel bad? Jake took off after the ball. That's my boy! He ran to his ball and picked it up. Awww, good dog! I'm patting my legs "Bring it here Jake". He turned around, dropped the ball and ran to a rope that was on the ground. A rope. This rope had been on the ground the entire time we had been there. He decides now is the time to check it out?! I wanted another chance to show that my Jake could do this but DT was very diplomatic and said something about Jake being distracted. We could practice it more at home and do it again next week.

We've been working on other commands too, like "front". For "front" they're supposed to come to you and sit in front of you. Jake can do "front" if I happen to call him at a time when he feels like coming over to me for a treat. Yeah, we have to work on that one still. He just doesn't see any point in coming over to me if he doesn't have a reason. I guess I can see his point. We'll work on it some more tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.