Harmful Things Your Dog Shouldn't Chew

Today is a nice, cool, lazy kind of day. When I took Jake to the park this morning, the wind was blowing and there was a very light mist. Just enough to make me cold. All morning I've been cold so I thought I would take a nice long, hot bath. Just to warm the bones as my mom used to say. Jeff isn't home, Abigail is in her room studying for a big test (at least that's what she's supposed to be doing....maybe I should go check on her) and Jake looked pretty tired. How much trouble could he get into?
While I was in the bath, Jake was sniffing around and suddenly ran out of the room. Not a good sign. He came back moments later so whatever he had taken earlier, he had either lost interest in or eaten so I went back to relaxing. When I was thoroughly waterlogged, I got dressed and went into the living room. There, right outside my bedroom door, were a pair of underwear, a sock, a new spool of dental floss, and a potholder all in various stages of deconstruction. I was only in there 15 minutes! I didn't see him get any of this. And how did he get a potholder? I keep those in the drawer in the kitchen! After I picked everything up and threw away what seemed like miles of dental floss, I got on the computer and found an email from Dr. Jon.
I keep getting newsletters from Dr. Jon and I don't know why. Dr. Jon is from a website called Pet Place. Somehow I got on their list. I haven't gotten off of it because it usually has some pretty interesting information. But the email I read today was titled: "Harmful Things Your Dog Shouldn't Chew". That got my attention. Let's see what the good doctor has to say.....

He starts by saying chewing is a natural behavior for dogs. But there are certain things that should be off limits to dogs since it could be harmful to their health. Ok, at this point, a small giggle starts. Let's take a look at Dr. Jon's list...

Items that grind away his teeth:
Rocks
Wires
Recreational balls meant for people
Any chew item that can't bend

Hmmm, I wonder if "rocks" includes the little fireplace rocks that Jake likes to sneak out of the fireplace and eat. Fortunately, he's never done it the 3 times the fireplace is actually on during the year, but I'm not going to relax just yet. For the "wires" category, I have to wonder if the razor that he ate counts. I wasn't half as worried about it grinding his teeth away as I was that it would slice his intestines up. But, 3 days of feeding him oatmeal seems to have taken care of it. "Recreational balls"...he has a tennis ball that has seemed to withstood him and his teeth don't look too bad for it. "A chew item that can't bend"...like a hanger, hairbrush, keys, phones? (oh wait, those bend). Nope, after looking at his teeth, I'd say he's in pretty good shape so far. Let's see what else the doctor has to say....

Items that can be swallowed whole and block the intestinal tract:
clothing, socks, gloves
washclothes
strings and ribbons
rubber bands
children's toys (Legos, dolls)

Ok, so according to this, my dog should be really sick. He's eaten everything on this list. Everything. Well, except Legos because we never had any of those but we still have Abigail's old Tinker Toys and he's eaten a few of those so I guess that qualifies.

Items with small/dangerous pieces that can be chewed off and ingested:
shoes
slippers
handbags

Ok, now I'm full out laughing. Forget the small/dangerous pieces that can be chewed off and ingested...Jake has eaten whole heels off of shoes. He's pulled the insole out of every one of Jeff's shoes. Why is my dog still walking around?

So, as I get to the end of Dr. Jon's email I realize what a bad pet owner I am. My poor dog is probably walking around with bad teeth and a horrible digestive tract. He should, in fact, be dead by now. What can I do to save my dog??? Wait a minute, as I get to the end of the email, he writes that the best thing for a dog to chew on is a specific dog toy. A toy that he just happens to have a link to. I click on the link which leads me to another site with a YouTube video of a dog happily running around with his chew toy. Looks like a good dog. The kind that doesn't eat rocks out of fireplaces and dental floss. Forget the toy, can I order the dog?